By: Bro. Kenneth Guia (SFL Sharjah)
Sleepy head but can’t catch a bed to sleep. Running but can’t reach the finish line. Lost but can’t be found. Looking for answers but can’t even grasp one.
I was on the middle of my annual vacation last April 22 – May 22, 2016 when God called me but i can’t hear His voice clearly. There is one thing He is telling me but no audible sounds can be heard. He wants me to do something but I can’t figure it out. The thought was; “Is God asking me to give up my career and life in UAE and to stay in Philippines and be a missionary?” No answers can be found yet until a blessing came and I got a talk with Ate Nennen in FB messenger and her lengthy messages really helps a lot to get me through this spiritual battle.
“Remember this, lahat ng pinagdadaanan mo ngayon may rason. Do not disregard that, contemplate on it. When the time comes, God will reveal his reasons. Allow every experience to talk to you, kasi somewhere in between may message si God diyan. Be open to His words and messages. Kahit simpleng isang sentence or isang verse na nabasa mo or isang phrase na sinabi ng kausap mo minsan yan ang ginagamit ng Diyos para iparating sayo yung gusto Niyang sabihin.” That was the word of wisdom from Sis Nen and she was right. Every letters, every symbol, every numbers and every word becomes like a hymn of His love saying “Come my dear son, I am calling you, go forth and let the world be known of the mercy, the love and grace you have seen on my cross.”
Scared and frightened, that’s how I feel when I know God is asking me a favor, a mission wherein I can’t and I don’t want to say NO but too afraid to say YES. Young and still need years of pruning, that’s how I see myself but why it seems like this. I even asked God, “Why did you give me that life in UAE and now it looks like you want me to give it up? It is where I find myself; where I find you; where I find the love I been longing for; where I find the people who can love me for who I am and for who I am not. And now, with just a glimpse of an eye, You want to take it from me; all the joys I have in that place. Why it has to be this way Lord?” And in the search for answers, I spent sleepless nights talking with my best friends but still they can’t give me answers because it is only me who can top it up. “I see myself in you bro noong bago pa lang ako sa community” says Kuya Royelle as I am telling him about my discernment on being a missionary. It seems I’m not the only one who experienced things like this. This calling just started when I met Kuya Jepoy here in UAE followed by meeting and being surrounded by missionaries in Batangas like Bro JM, Bro Kim, Bro Cocoy, Bro Jaybee, Bro Miggs and a lot more. It is just amazing how this people give up almost everything and surrender it to God and yet they can still survive and serve God. How wonderful God works His way to provide for them and give them everything they need in their daily battle? Where in this world they got this strength in their service and mission but why can’t I find mine?
As days goes by fear turns to hope and faith, as His message is becoming clear. “I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and He is here.” “Whether you like it or not misyonero po tayo. We are called to be carriers of mercy. We are called to be Mercy-naries.” I am a MERCY-NARY. The world may persecute this idea, the world will try to bring us down or even leave us but His WORD, His LOVE and His MERCY will stay and will forever endures. We / I were called to spread and share the love we have experienced on His loving arms. After days and nights of praying and discerning, He gave me the strength to give Him a YES. This was the hardest days of my life but I know I made a right choice, a decision I will never regret, to be the carrier of His love and be on my mission.
May 22, 2016 2300H (Dubai Time), I went back to UAE to fulfill my mission here for this is where God wanted me to be and I was wrong to think that He want me to this mission in the Philippines. “He will lead you to somewhere where you will be needed. Go out of the world, go where God planted you.” This was His message conveyed to me through Kuya Cocoy. I am His SERVANT, His MERCY-NARY and a SEED planted in this desert Arab land, rooted and will be nourished and soon will bear the fruit of His love. “Label lang naman ung Full Time Worker / Missionary (FTW)” as what Sis Nen says, we can be a missionary on our own ways; we may never know we are already on our mission. We must fight the shadows and conquer death and make the most of the time we have left. Whatever and wherever this mission will lead me, I know this is all for good and I will never be ashamed and fear not anymore for He is always with us. “And I will climb this mountain, and I’ll step of the shore, and I have chosen to follow, and be by Your side forevermore.” I have decided to follow His way and there is no turning back. Bring it on Lord, I am ready to sail on this mission.
The Vineyard Magazine 